discursive essay - proszę o sprawdzenie

Matka Chrzestna · Postautor: **Matka Chrzestna** » 21 paź 2006, 22:22

Cześć

Proszę o sprzawdzenie i poprawienie błędów w mojej pracy

More and more young people want to have a job during a holiday. But most of them do not want to work in their motherland. Why it is worth working abroad in vacation?

First of all, working in foreign lands you may learn a lot of things. You are able to improve your use of foreign language by conversation with natives. You usually have to get up early to the work and do your task correctly, so responsibility and punctuality are next things, which young workers can learn.

Another thing is that, working abroad people become acquainted. You are likely to meet your best friend or even fall in love. Holiday are conductive o it. Additionally in free time from work, employees may go sightseeing. As a result, it gives them better knowledge about native’s traditions and customs.

It is also true, that job in the world outside gives higher money. Having money makes you independent and respect. It is very important, especially for young people whose have large needs. When you earn money on your own it is easier to buy whatever you want. Holiday’s workers also learn hot to plan expenses and how to save.

In conclusion working abroad during holiday gives you huge experience. You will be feel more confident in your next job and it will be easier to find a new job with some qualifications. Therefore it is worth to work abroad.

Dziękuję

Pozdrawiam

Matka Chrzestna 8)

illi · Postautor: **illi** » 22 paź 2006, 12:35

More and more young people want to have a job during holidays. But most of them do not want to work in their motherland. Why is it worth working abroad during holidays?
First of all, working in foreign countries you may learn a lot of things. You are able to improve the use of a foreign language by having conversations with the native speakers. You usually have to get up early to go to the work and to do your task correctly so responsibility and punctuality are the next things which young workers can learn.
Another thing is that working abroad people become acquainted (...TO WHOM?). You are likely to meet your best friend or even fall in love. Holidays are conductive(co masz na mysli?) of it. Additionally, in the free time from work employees may go sightseeing. As a result, it gives them better knowledge about local traditions and customs.
It is also true that a job outside your own country gives ("job" nie daje pracy, zmien to na cos innego) a higher salary. Having money makes you independent and respected. It is very important especially for young people who have large(?) needs. When you earn money on your own it is easier to buy whatever you want. Holiday workers also learn how to plan expenses and how to save their money.
In conclusion, working abroad during holidays gives you a lot of experience. You will feel more confident in your next job and it will be easier to find a new job with some qualifications. Therefore, it is worth to work abroad.

przemysl zaznaczone watpliwosci, przemysl jeszcze raz co zawierasz w danych paragrafach
zwroc uwage na przecinki, pamietaj ze w ang. nie uzywa sie ich tak samo jak w polskim
pozdrawiam

Matka Chrzestna · Postautor: **Matka Chrzestna** » 22 paź 2006, 16:32

dzięi za pomoc

dlaczego mam pisać "holidays" a nie "holiday"?
people become acquainted (...TO WHOM?).
to each other?
Holidays are conductive(co masz na mysli?) of it
chodziło mi o to , ze wakacje temu sprzyjają (zawieraniu znajomości...)
("job" nie daje pracy, zmien to na cos innego)
work?
have large(?) needs
chodziło mi o to że mają duże potrzeby

trochę zmieniłam

Nowadays more and more young people want to have a job during holidays. But most of them do not want to work in their motherland. Why is it worth working abroad during holidays?

First of all, by working in foreign countries you may learn a lot of new things. You are able to improve the use of a foreign language by having conversations with native speakers. You usually have to get up early to go to the work and to do your task correctly so responsibility and punctuality are the next things which young workers can learn.

Another thing is that, people working abroad become acquainted with each other. You are likely to meet your best friend or even fall in love. Holidays favour this. Additionally, in the free time from work employees may go sightseeing. As a result, it gives them better knowledge about local traditions and customs.

It is also true that work outside your own country gives you a higher salary. Having money makes you independent and respected. It is very important especially for young people whose needs are larger. When you earn money on your own it is easier to buy whatever you want. Holiday workers also learn how to plan expenses and how to save.

In conclusion, working abroad during holidays gives you a lot of experience. You will be more confident in your next job and it will be easier to find a new job with some qualifications. Therefore, it is worth working abroad.