Sideways

OXNARD, CALIFORNIA

EXT. MILES'S MOTHER'S CONDO - DUSK


Approaching the front door, Miles pulls a BOUQUET OF FLOWERS
out of a plastic grocery store bag. Jack carries a bottle of
CHAMPAGNE.

Miles pulls a BIRTHDAY CARD out of the bag too.

MILES
Wait a second.

He pulls a PEN from his pocket and signs it. As he licks the
envelope, Jack rings the bell.

Moments later PHYLLIS comes to the door. She is a matronly
older woman in a nightgown and housecoat.

MILES AND JACK
Surprise! Happy Birthday!

The boys offer up the flowers and champagne. Phyllis slurs slightly as she speaks -- she's been doing some celebrating
of her own.

PHYLLIS

My God. Miles. And Jack! What a
surprise. I can't remember the last
time you brought me flowers.

They hug.

JACK
They're from both of us.

PHYLLIS
A famous actor bringing me flowers
on my birthday. Don't I feel special?

MILES
A famous actor who's getting married
next week.

PHYLLIS
Oh, that's right. Isn't that nice? I
hope that girls knows how lucky she
is, marrying no less than Derek
Summersby.

The boys follow her inside.


INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S CONDO - CONTINUOUS

JACK
Jeez, Mrs. Raymond, that was eleven
years ago.

PHYLLIS
Well, you were wonderful on that
show. I never understood why they
had to give you that brain tumor so
soon. Why that didn't make you the
biggest movie star in the world is a
sin. It's a sin.

JACK
Yeah, well, you should be my agent.

PHYLLIS

If I was, I would sing your praises
up and down the street until they
put me in the loony bin. Now Miles,
why didn't you tell me you were coming
and bringing this handsome man? Look
how I'm dressed. I've got to run and
put my face on.

JACK
You look fabulous, Mrs. Raymond.

PHYLLIS
(over her shoulder)
Oh, stop it. Make yourselves
comfortable.
(now around the corner)
You boys hungry?

MILES
Yeah, I'm hungry.

Jack gives Miles a look.

MILES
(low)
Just a snack. Calm down.

Miles leads Jack into this small condo. The TV is on, and it's MESSY. Amid the newspapers and junk mail and dishes, an
AB-ROLLER and an ancient SCHWINN EXER-CYCLE sit forgotten in
a corner.

INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

He takes a seat on the sofa next to Jack, who is watching
WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?

MILES
Let me show you something. The secret
to opening champagne is that once
the cork is released, you keep
pressure on it so you don't --


JACK
(concentrated on the
TV)
Just a second. Guy's going for $2500.

Miles finishes opening the bottle with an elegant silence.

PHYLLIS
Ready for my close up!

The boys turn to see Phyllis now dolled up in thick make-up and a PANTSUIT. Her eyebrows are painted and cock-eyed.
Overall she looks much worse than before.

PHYLLIS
Oh, champagne! Miles, why don't you
bring that out onto the lanai? I
thought we could eat on the lanai.

EXT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LANAI - NIGHT


Miles and Jack are seated in webbed chairs around a circular
glass table. They are mid-meal.

Everyone is more than a little lubricated, especially the
birthday girl as she returns from the kitchen with another
plate of food.

JACK
Mrs. Raymond, this is delicious.
Absolutely delicious.

PHYLLIS
(sitting)
They're just leftovers.

JACK
Is it chicken?

PHYLLIS

I could have made something fancier
if a certain someone had let me know
that a certain someone was coming
for a visit with a certain special
friend. Could have made a pork roast.

MILES
It was a surprise, Mom.

PHYLLIS
And I could have already put clean
sheets on the other bed and the fold-
out. You are staying. Wendy, Ron and
the twins are picking us up at 11:30
to go to brunch at the Sheraton.
They do a magnificent job there.
Wendy is so excited you're coming.

Silence. Jack freezes, his fork halfway to his mouth.

MILES
You talked to Wendy?

PHYLLIS
Just now. She's thrilled. And the
kids.


MILES
(trying to be chipper)
Yeah, well. You know, Jack's pretty
eager to get up to... you know, but,
uh, yeah. We'll see how it goes.

PHYLLIS
Well, you boys do what you want. I
just think it would be nice for us
to be together as a family on my
birthday.

MILES
Uh-huh.
(wiping his mouth)
I'll be right back.

He gets up and heads into the house.

INT. MILES'S APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT

Miles heads toward...


INT. MILES'S APARTMENT BEDROOM - NIGHT

...and goes directly to her dresser, opening a drawer filled
with bras, panties and stockings.

He burrows through his mother's lingerie until locating a CAN OF RAID. A can of Raid?

He twists open the bottom and pulls it apart, revealing it
to be a SECRET STASH for valuables disguised as a common
household product. Inside are stacks of ONE-HUNDRED DOLLAR
BILLS.

MILES
(quickly peeling some
off)
...six, seven, eight,...
(one more for good
luck)
Nine.

His task complete, he closes the drawer, and as he stuffs
the bills in his pocket, his glance falls upon FRAMED PHOTOS
atop the dresser.



amid- pośród, wśród
approach- nadciągać, zbliżać się
brain tumor- guz mózgu
brunch- breakfast and lunch
burrow- grzebać (w czymś)
calm down- uspokoić się
chipper- rześki, energiczny, ożywiony
condo- kondominium
doll up- wystroić się
fabulous- fantastycznie, wspaniale
hug- obejmować, ściskać
lanai- rodzaj werandy
leftovers- resztki
lingerie- bielizna damska
loony bin- dom wariatów
lubricated- zawiany, pijany
magnificent- świetny, wspaniały
overall- ogólnie
pressure- nacisk
release- uwalniać
slightly- lekko, troszkę
slur- bełkotac
stash- schowek
thrilled- podekscytowany


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